It's Cold Outside
*Please insert tongue firmly in cheek. This is meant to be fun.
Dear Rocky Mountain Power,
Thank you so much for your energy audit. I was completely unaware of the fact we’re using more power this year, despite the fact that the number of people in our home has gone up and there have been more days with extreme temperatures.
Having read your very insightful suggestions I will rush right out and buy LED lights, and candles so that we can reduce the amount of light energy we’re consuming. I’m certain the children won’t mind reading by candlelight and it should only cost about $1000 to replace all the lightbulbs in the house (again, since we just got them all upgraded to the stupid twirly lights which were supposed to take care of all our problems, but don’t let them break because the fumes will kill you).
I agree that our appliances are taking up far too much power. So we’ll try putting the groceries out in the snow. I think with judicious application of a few coolers we can maintain proper temperature and if my son sits out there with a bb gun he can keep the neighborhood cats from eating our Christmas ham.
As for that pesky thermostat I’m sure you are correct that we can shed a few degrees. After all isn’t frostbite what blankets and mittens are for? I’m certain the toddler won’t mind being wrapped up like that kid from A Christmas Story before she goes to sleep. Maybe I can even find a discarded astronaut suit so we won’t have to worry about accidents at bedtime.
Anyway… I’ve got to go. The cat is getting tired of running in the wheel to power the internet connection. Gotta save on that too, right?
Thanks for your concerns.